3 birds

three birds flashed before my eyes

you, me, and elohim

what a holy trinity I thought

comedic and full of errors

we made sure to leave room

for tragedy

to honor the past that was

burning between

my fingers as I came home

to me

now I can really see

now I can really see

We had to burn the past for my shadows

to breathe free

freedom knocks when forgiveness calls

and we are home deep within

a core that bleeds upward




Lemons and Milk

One Sunday morning, dressed in the clothes my mother picked out for me, I squirmed my way into a booth at Friendly’s for family breakfast. The waiter asked what we would like to drink and my parents responded in unison, “coffee.” Now, I knew I couldn’t order coffee, but I could order something similar-something like coffee. “Tea, please.”

A few minutes later our waiter returned. My parents arms shifted around the table moving the creamer, milk, half and half, sugar, and sweetener according to who wanted what. I looked at my tea cup placed on its little plate and saw a lemon wedge. I also noticed the milk had made its way in front of me. I can’t remember which one I put in first, but I realized later it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter which one went in first because lemons and milk were never destined for each other.

The juice from the lemon curdled the milk, but at the time I didn’t understand this. Chunks in my mug danced around like leaves in the wind and I thought it was okay that this happened, even fun to watch. Until my mother ushered the waiter over and ordered me a new tea.

As I got older, whenever I made tea for myself, I faced the decision: lemon or milk? And it kind of became this larger motif for me, it went past just what I chose to mix in with my daily dose of caffeine. Because, sometimes you have to pick-stay at home for college or go away? Save your money for a house or go on your dream vacation? You just have to figure out what is more appealing to you, the surprising electric shock or the creamy, safe softness?

Besides decisions, it’s good to recognize when you are curdling into oblivion. For example, I would be in this really toxic relationship and I’d have the “ah-ha” moment that it was a lemon and milk situation. It didn’t matter who was the lemon or who was the milk, we just didn’t go together and that was okay. It was okay to realize that. It was okay to make a change in my life.

Look deep into your mug of tea today and do a little self-evaluation. Are you happy with your choices? Are you making the best ones for yourself?

Don’t let yourself curdle, and if you find one day that you did-order a cup of something new.




Missing Lions

The field behind our house is just a backyard now. The majesty of an October pumpkin patch is gone, the honeysuckle doesn’t find its way into our mouths anymore, and the strawberry patch is a forgotten mound of dirt. If you squint real hard, you can see a faint imprint where the swing set once stood. If you search for a while, dig deep into the remains of your imagination, you might find a paw print of a mighty lion, a mermaid lurking in the deep end-but I doubt it. Too much has happened; we have grown too old.

You’re lucky if you haven’t lost the lions and the mermaids-for us they have retreated somewhere else. But, we will always argue that they are  there, concealed behind the trees that grew so tall we thought they would one day reach outer space. They just have to be there.

I forget where the switch is that Mom turned the fireflies on with at night, it must be rusted over-forgotten like the old tractor in the shed. The worst of all, the grass has changed. No longer cool or soft, it stings us now, it breaks our skin.